I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
ok first of all what the fuck
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
