Your dad touched me again.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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