I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
