So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
