And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
