I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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