I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
