i think my tv is drunk
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
