forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
