Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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