OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
We just shotgunned beers for America
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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