Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Why can't burritos get me drunk
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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