Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
