highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
