Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
