Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
