Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
