"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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