the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
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