some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
