I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
