mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
