If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
