I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
