I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
