I need help removing her.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
