at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
