Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Barsexuality is the new black.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
