How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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