"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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