As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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