why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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