:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Randomize
