dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
