and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
