Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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