Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
