you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
