the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
