and you said cock pushups were impossible
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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