i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
