I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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