Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
