once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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