Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
What a dumb baby whore.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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