He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
