Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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