oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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