...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
