This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Mom said you looked used
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
