I wannas sexs uuuuu
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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