she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
