Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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