a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
